01
Oct
14

the shining core of loneliness

 

The Sister Sadness

The sky descended from a painting in that foggy day
The sun was going down for the last time
And I was hibernating nearby Sister Sadness

I was in love with a tree growing in the valley of sorrow
And the moon was arising from our temples

DSCF9002Landscape with mirrors

I look into the water, winds are moving the world
Somehow it’s springtime and someway it’s fine
The phantoms of the past leave us alone
I look into the water and see your face line
The yearning’s clock stopped beating in the sky
Somehow is autumn and, someway, in chill
We are stone-still, the ground is passing by

The hunger

Give me another past, teach me how to live only here and now
Teach me how to get fed with a single life
Do something to appease my hunger
Nothing was enough for me

Help me to see you as if I’d meet you for the first time
Help me to pass through you like the light through an opened window
Help me to stop treating you as the terminal point of the world
As if you would be a rail road end
At the borderline of the void
Give me another past
Change my memories into baroque music
Release me from your revolt
Be so kind and help me to forget you
Help me to forget your scars, your lips, your tights, your gloves, your sadness, your ardour

Child of fire
You burned all those ones that get close to you
Then you sculpted amulets from their ashes
With their strangled voice you have painted pagan icons
And I, daughter of rain,
Of the rain that you are running of
I dream to give you thunders and lightnings to enforce your flame

You wished you could burn quietly between four walls
Like the flame of a fireplace from an empty room
To burn like the wing of an insect stuck on a light bulb in an urban jungle
To burn like a silk veil, like a wooden idol, to burn like a lonely plant under the sun of the desert
You turned into ashes everyone who dared to get closer to you
The fire was beneficent to you
It always hushed you
Like the rain that used to calm me
You don’t understand how comes that everyone is thirsty for water
And nobody for fire
You’re right
Your wonder is well grounded

Maybe it will be helpful for you to assist at least once
The scene when I get born from your music like Aphrodite from the sea foam
Or the decadent moment when your melancholy turns me into a woman at sunset
Come and look at me, how I rise from the magma of your voice
And I crumble into your music
Only once
Look into my eyes where the ghost of desire is struggling into
Before they take me and fetch me to the abattoir where all the dreamers are taken
To get cured

My love,
I call you my love and I am amazed
Of the memory that betrayed me for so long
Of the easiness that I let the time pass with
Over me
Like a tank
Over me and over the eye that I was staring to your beauty with
I have only one breath left
A glimpse of life that I use to hang on your revolt
Like a maroon on a burning board

At one moment the fire will surround my fingers will melt my flesh
But I’m not afraid
I think of that moment like of a blessing
I think that my pain could appease your hunger
I think of my own hunger
That cannot be calmed down but by your boiling blood
To the silence that always comes after an explosion
Or a shipwreck

That’s what I am: a sad and stupid herbivore
That goes by free will in the path of the lion
And seats to his feet
She offers herself
Moved to tears
By his hunger

 

The lie

I want silence

I told you I’ve never been sad
I’ve never been afraid of anything.
I’ve never felt the touch of the doubt, its rancid taste taking my words hostages
I told you I don’t give a damn about death
I see old ages as a smooth body of water
Life without desire is spotless and bright like a snowfall bleaching everything
This is what I said

I want silence,
I want to swim into a sea of warm sights
and to caress myself with what I find around: a piece of moon, a slice of wisdom hurled from the mouth of a contemporary saint turned into a martyr by the paparazzi
I said so

I also told you that I don’t need your love
“For me it’s enough to know you exist”

Well,
I lied.

reading-1

 

Spare time

I’ll take a day off today
I refuse to walk downtown, dressed in your warmth like in a trendy dress.

Today we won’t play the immortals no more
We’ll stop wondering like two retards, staring at the obvious resemblances existing between us
We’ll refuse to employ inadequate expressions
We’ll give up trying to stop the rain or to set up the springtime
We won’t get undressed of lies in the spotlight, not today

We’ll sit peacefully
At a table
Playing chess
Or whatever you want

We’ll do yoga
Passion could be very damaging for the health
You know

Today we’ll relax
We’ll stop kicking and punching the others’ barbaric addictions
We won’t adore each other until we bleed

We’ll let out heads slide on our shoulders
we’ll let our arms sit quietly on the edge of the knees
like on the branch from a cage…

 

I meet you in the shining core of the loneliness
Your shadow is measuring my heart beatings

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copyright Ilinca Bernea

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"For moral reasons ... the world appears to me to be put together in such a painful way that I prefer to believe that it was not created ... intentionally."
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"The most henious and the must cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives".
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more to retard the ideals that were it’s founders
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