what I want

I don’t love you
I just want to glide over your temples like a secret snow
to help you fall asleep
I don’t love you
I just want to watch over your doubts and fears
to measure my shadow with yours
to wash your forehead of defeat’s marks
to clean up your nails of illusions

I want to try on your shirts and your gloves
to walk my fingers over your hair like over an exotic instrument
to touch your lips like through a deep fog
and to get drunk with your smile
to teach you how to unfold my buckles
and how to pronounce my name well
but I don’t love you
don’t be afraid


I want to be the rain in your sunny life
the mute song of melancholia in your noisy world
to make you remember yourself
and everything that you left behind
to pick up, with the patience of a clockmaker,
all pieces of you abandoned in the dust of the roads
no matter how small or fragile
I’d like to be everything that is obscure and painful in your heart craving for heights
and for the lightness of adventures
I’d like to be the bad guy in your life, that bitchy voice annoying you
the hand that pulls you back when you are about to get high
or to throw yourself into the void
See? I don’t love you


I just want to turn you young again
Your beauty would humiliate the angels if they existed for real
it could melt the frozen lunar landscapes
it could intimidate even the stones
it could stop a war

I want you to be loved by everybody but me

to be adored
never to remain alone
with your pyromaniac thoughts

that’s what I want

that’s what I want.


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copyright Ilinca Bernea


"For moral reasons ... the world appears to me to be put together in such a painful way that I prefer to believe that it was not created ... intentionally."
- Stanisław Lem

"The most henious and the must cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives".
- Mohandas K Gandhi, Young India, July 7, 1950

“Organized Christianity has probably done
more to retard the ideals that were it’s founders
than any other agency in the World.”
– Richard Le Gallienne

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

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