The emergency room

I was a trainer of walls by then
At least this is what I liked to think

window study

He had serious concerns, deeply decent
I used to figure out that it’s enough to clap my hands
And the bricks will blow away
I believed I could say: “now” and the concrete will crack, the wood will rot
Or I could make the iron melt when I hit the ground with my feet
I put my faith in all kind of nonsense
“You have too much time and freedom” he used to say

While he had serious concerns
A full forest of walls was growing between us
I had to deal alone with every single labyrinth

We’ve always met in front of the same window
To count the falling leaves
It’s not quite simple to meet another in front of the exact same window
In all other ways we used to be an ordinary couple:
I never said what he was hearing
He never heard what I was saying
Not even the number of the falling leaves was the same in our accounts
But by hazard
I used to call the hazard fate back then

y32Now I believe nothing
I wouldn’t dare to imagine I could tame even a poor shadow
I live in exile
On the same street of the same ghetto
Of the same damn city that once was so alive
I live in the same autumn that makes no sense anymore
No melancholy disturbs my concentration
I came to have serious concerns too
I’m always in a hurry, always busy
Caught in the crude light of the present

It was a critical age
Full of explosive substances
An age with lithe arms, with a small waist, with strong knees
With thin bodies provokingly gliding along the walls
With voluptuous sadness
With dark circles under the eyes worn like trophies
With “I just want to watch you sleeping”
With many exclamation marks

Sometimes I wonder if you have someone to count the falling leaves with
If there is someone there for you at the end of the sleepless nights
I wonder if I still can guess the shape of your body in the darkness
In the emergency room that used to have, back then,
In spite of all the walls,
A view to the sea


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copyright Ilinca Bernea


"For moral reasons ... the world appears to me to be put together in such a painful way that I prefer to believe that it was not created ... intentionally."
- Stanisław Lem

"The most henious and the must cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives".
- Mohandas K Gandhi, Young India, July 7, 1950

“Organized Christianity has probably done
more to retard the ideals that were it’s founders
than any other agency in the World.”
– Richard Le Gallienne

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

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