A lesson in oblivion

I never liked the highways and the main roads
The crowded places
I’ve never walked the straight line
When others had goals and objectives, I mucked about in twilight zones
I’ve always been like a clock which either gains time or lags behind
I’ve wanted to play the violin
and I’ve wanted to forget you,
to pass through you as through a time tunnel,
and find myself on the other side
somewhere, in a state of clemency, in which I couldn’t care less if I’m alive, if I’m only subsisting, if I’m drawing my last breath in a cage

When I was 30, I used the money I’d saved for the fridge and bought a violin
it wasn’t very clear to me then that I would never learn to play it
Don’t be sorry for me
it’s alright
every desire I’ve had was so that I wouldn’t think of you
I’ve danced through trenches,
I’ve walked around naked among circus arenas,
I’ve dug deep holes in the Promised Land
I’ve crept through keyholes
I’ve lived inside the skin of a stranger
I’ve played the village fool
I’ve been a guinea pig and survived
I’ve fought both sin and virtue
just so that I wouldn’t think of you

I’ve set absurd laws on reality and reality followed them
I’ve quarreled with almost anyone for who knows what

I’ve dug my claws into the flesh of idols
I’ve washed my bloody hands in the stale waters of the city
I’ve banged my head against every wall I could
I’ve howled like a starving beast while everyone was sitting quietly where they belonged
I’ve run through basements and darkness
I’ve opposed both nature and spirit
I’ve pleaded for the rights of crows
I’ve even been a prize winner

I’ve answered with fits of laughter to miserable people
I’ve made the masters of silence sneeze
I’ve disturbed the demonstrations of illustrious men
I’ve militated against the passage of time
I’ve found things to do
I’ve worked
I’ve ripped apart all of my skins, my faces, my names,
trying to forget you

But I keep hurting myself in your beauty
with the same fervor as in the first day
actually, with even more certainty
now, that I’ve got tired of lust and serenity as well,
and of the thousand lying mirrors
through which I’ve walked my loneliness
as if it were a dog


1 Response to “A lesson in oblivion”

  1. 1 Paul Anghel
    26/11/2015 at 3:12 pm

    Mi-a placut foarte mult. Si in poemul dinainte postat tot pe 6 noiembrie te regasesc mai mult decat ma asteptam dupa atata timp.

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copyright Ilinca Bernea


"For moral reasons ... the world appears to me to be put together in such a painful way that I prefer to believe that it was not created ... intentionally."
- Stanisław Lem

"The most henious and the must cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives".
- Mohandas K Gandhi, Young India, July 7, 1950

“Organized Christianity has probably done
more to retard the ideals that were it’s founders
than any other agency in the World.”
– Richard Le Gallienne

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

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